Home  /  Forums  /  Non-Poker Discussion  /  Jokes Thread!
Rate this Topic
 

Jokes Thread!

Topic Started by PI Simon on Feb 18th 2007

Add Reply Subscribe Search Topics

Displaying #151-165 of 194 total posts First Previous  5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13  Next Last
77226 Nibs: 867
Member Since: Mar 25th 2007 		Quote
Posted on Apr 3rd 2008

What’s the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player? 

A large cheese pizza can feed a family of  4, a poker player can’t. 

don't louse all yre money with one pair
77226 Nibs: 867
Member Since: Mar 25th 2007 		Quote
Posted on Apr 4th 2008

A guy was playing 10-20 Hold 'em and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechaun.

"Quit playing poker forever right now and I'll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars." said the little fellow.

The player replied, "Let me get even first."

don't louse all yre money with one pair
77226 Nibs: 867
Member Since: Mar 25th 2007 		Quote
Posted on Apr 5th 2008

5 POKER RELATED LIES:
Poker players love bluffing so much that they can rarely stop once they leave the table. Some of the more common 'misrepresentations of reality':

1) "Just a few more hands and I'll be done".
2) "I came out about even"
3) "I have no problem folding AK when it misses the flop."
4) [While watching poker on ESPN] "See that guy, the one in the hat? Like two tables behind this main table they're showing -- see the one who just kinda stretched? Yeah, that's me."
5) "I won"

don't louse all yre money with one pair
77226 Nibs: 867
Member Since: Mar 25th 2007 		Quote
Posted on Apr 6th 2008
What is the…difference between a professional poker player and God?
God doesn’t think He’s a professional poker player
don't louse all yre money with one pair
72412 Nibs: 1,401
Member Since: Dec 18th 2006 		Quote
Posted on Apr 7th 2008
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten pounds . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart.
He deposits ten pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Walmart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.
5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
I'm your Huckleberry thats just my game
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on Apr 17th 2008
Last Request  
spacer
    
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn''''t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn''''t even want a special last meal!"

he inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
Team Gamblers 3000 - right in the top ten! .
19786 Nibs: 7,135
Member Since: Feb 8th 2006 		Quote
Posted on Apr 20th 2008
everyone needs a little laughter in their lives, especially after playing with some of the players in here.
pokerroo
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on Apr 22nd 2008
KFC: Our Daily Chicken  
spacer
    
A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Team Gamblers 3000 - right in the top ten! .
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 6th 2008
Shirts Off  
spacer
 
A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.

So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 8th 2008
   
 
    
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 9th 2008

What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?

Grandpa.

30 Nibs: 5,612
Member Since: Oct 1st 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 9th 2008

Keep up the good jokes coming Cool

***MUST READ*** Pacific Poker Requirements
24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 11th 2008

Thx Simon. I still have a few.

The Magician and the Parrot  

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, "He has a card up his sleeve" or "He has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

24854 Nibs: 8,984
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006 		Quote
Posted on May 13th 2008

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!" 

Team Gamblers 3000 - right in the top ten! .
90944 Nibs: 2,332
Member Since: Apr 17th 2008 		Quote
Posted on May 16th 2008

WSOME idea Thanks for letting some jokes in, its always nice to laph at least once a day... LOL

Si no eres paciente y esperas la mano correcta para apostar ten seguro que perderas ;)
Displaying #151-165 of 194 total posts First Previous  5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13  Next Last
Server time is: Jan 7th 2009 8:49PM EST

Signup Now for FREE!

header

[close]